Waiting

In theory, referrals should come next week. Since July 4 falls on a Sunday, most businesses consider July 5 as the holiday, so even, if they are mailed on Friday, they won’t get opened at CCAI until Tuesday. So with translations, it would be Wed. before we get the call again. Maybe since we had a rotten situation last time, they will translate ours right away and call us the same day. I have no idea though. Even though I’m anxious to know when referrals come, the excitement just isn’t there like last time. I feel like I’m holding back my emotions for at least a week or more after we get our referral. I’m still afraid our rematch will fall through again.

Lessons

Before we received our referral, it was a big deal to me that we could celebrate her 1st birthday at home. Maybe part of it was selfish, but I mainly wanted her to be able to have tangible memories of a major milestone like her 1st birthday. Although I still want to celebrate her 1st Bday at home, it's not nearly as big of a deal as it was a month ago. Obviously it would be easier to tell if there are any major issues in a child whose age is closer to 12 months than 6 months. I thought that I had given up everything regarding the adoption long ago, but I guess not. Maybe this is what God needed to do to help me understand that an older child would be perfectly fine for our family. Good thing He knows best. Guess I'm just work on leaning and learning what God wants for us even when I don't have a clue.

A Ray of Sunshine

Since our first referral is no longer available, we were given the option to ask for another referral. We decided that that is what we wanted to do. Although having a disrupted referral is not real common, it does happen. We know of a family who got to China, met their child and realized there was something very wrong with her. They had to ask for a new referral. Thankfully they were able to get the referral without having to go home and come back. We are so glad that that was not our situation.

On Friday, we received call from CCAI (our adoption agency). They said that they got a call from CCAA (Chinese Center for Adoption Affairs) confirming that we WILL be matched in the next group (which should be around July 5). I was hoping we would get some kind of confirmation. Unlike last month when we knew our date was “in” and we would get a referral, without this confirmation we wouldn’t know for sure that we were in next month. Now we don’t have to be concerned about that.

I have to be careful that I don't wish our summer away. While I am very anxious to get our new referral, I still have 2 girls at home who will be back in school before I know it. Then I'll wonder where the summer has gone. I figured out the other day that even in the best case scenario, the girls will be in school at least some of the time that we are in China. Kinda puts the time thing into perspective.

I171-H

We received our updated I171-H today with our new expiration date for our fingerprints. Pretty good response time from USCIS (2 1/2 weeks). Maybe there really is a soft spot in their hearts for adoption. Too bad we aren't using it when we thought we would.

Praise You in the Storm

I was sure by now,
That You would have reached down
And wiped our tears away,
Stepped in and saved the day.
But once again, I say "Amen", and it's still raining.

As the thunder rolls
I barely hear You whisper through the rain
"I'm with you."
And as Your mercy falls
I raise my hands and praise the God who gives
And takes away.

I'll praise You in this storm.
And I will lift my hands
For You are who You are
No matter where I am.
Every tear I've cried
You hold in Your hand.
You never left my side
And though my heart is torn
I will praise you in this storm.

I remember when
I stumbled in the wind.
You heard my cry.
You raised me up again.
My strength is almost gone.
How can I carry on
If I can't find You?

I lift my eyes unto the hills.
Where does my help come from?
My help comes from the Lord
The Maker of Heaven and Earth.

I'll praise You in this storm.
And I will lift my hands
For You are who You are
No matter where I am.
Every tear I've cried
You hold in Your hand.
You never left my side.
And though my heart is torn
I will praise you in this storm.

by Casting Crowns

Devastating News

We received devastating news today. The orphanage contacted CCAI and told them that they would be pulling Jiu Fen Fu’s file today due to some unexpected issues. This was obviously heart-wrenching and we are trying to determine what God has for us to learn in all of this.

In church yesterday, the pastor started a series on Habakkuk. This book is basically helps us deal with “Why does God let certain things happen? Like why 9/11, the holocaust, long adoption processes, delayed fingerprints. Well, now we can add to the list devastating adoption news. I told Brian we should read the book of Job.

I remember doing a Beth Moore Bible study years ago. I don’t even remember the name. Anyway, it had to do with God giving us grace and strength only when we need it. There was a family that had lost a child and people would say to them, “I don’t know how you do it. I could never handle losing a child.” The point was God doesn’t give us the strength we need to go through a situation until we are actually in the situation. I have a whole new appreciation for that now. God will not give us what we can’t handle and will give us the strength we need to get through it.

When you don't understand, when you can't see His plan, when you can't trace His hand, trust His heart."

The strength of the vessel can be demonstrated only by the hurricane and the power of the Gospel can be fully shown only when the Christian is subjected to some fiery trial. If God would make manifest the fact that “He giveth songs in the night” (Job 35:10), He must first make it night. William Taylor

Orphanage Care Package

We have an opportunity to send a care package to our daughter at her orphanage. Last evening, we started shopping. The biggest things we are including is a small photo album and a disposable camera. We also picked up some onezies, socks, sleeper, bibs, and a rattle. I think I'm going to get some pants too. I was looking for a waffle weave blanket like the ones I used with the girls, but I couldn't find them. Apparently blankets have changed since we had the girls. All I could find was fleece and flannel. All the flannel ones we saw came in 4 packs. I just don't think I can buy those because I could just go to JoAnn's, pick out exactly the flannel that I want and make it myself. But as Brian said, "Do you have time?"